The Pool Laughs

The pool laughs at me, correction, the pool belly laughs at me.

But it will not get me, I will be back. Make no mistake.

Max does not nap anymore, but I do make him get in his bed so he can pretend to nap.

Jenna does take great naps after we search the house for her entourage that must always be present in her bed. Let's see, we have Tigger, puppy or baby depending on who she loves that day, a small snuggly blanket that she rubs on her face, then blanket #2 to cover her legs.

Must stop for a second and brag on aforementioned children. Max gets in his bed without persuasion, he and I both know he won't fall asleep, but he goes along with this charade. What a thoughtful boy.

Jenna does not fuss too much, just the occasional, "pees mommy", when full entourage cannot be located and I'm in no mental state to search for missing friends. She rolls with it. Such a sweet girl.

Oh yay, back to the pool. Grrrr.

Jenna woke up after only an hour with a mess in her pants. Max is laying on his bed with his feet up on his wall playing with a John Deere tractor. My husband let me know he had a late conference call that he would not be able to take from the car. I can see this afternoon is going downhill fast.

I decide we will go to the pool. I then mentally pull out my pool list and start crackin'. Side note: You'd think we were heading out to the Mojave Desert instead of our neighborhood pool if you were to see the size and number of contents in my cooler. What's wrong with me?! Don't answer that.

I grab my swimsuit (Lands End of course), slather on SPF 50 (that is not a typo), get kids up...

45 minutes later we are out the door! Oh, in the middle of sunscreen-ing, swim diaper-ing, snack making, cup filling, I had to discipline one of my peeps for flat-out direct disobedience. Good times.

(The pool has gotten wind that I'm coming, it starts snickering).

We arrive at the pool, I'm out of breath, sweating...but I am determined. The pool will not beat me.

I see a neighbor as we are walking in the door, she is on the far side of the pool. I'm glad to see a friendly face. I approach neighbor who I've known for 4+ years, and we've spent a good deal of time together. As I'm saying hey, she says that she didn't know who I was until I was right there...huh? I'm sorry, have we met? My name is Lisa.

Home Team:
Pool 1

Guest Team:
Lisa 0

We get in the pool, oh, FYI, neither of my children can swim. Swimmies on arms, except one of the air hole thingy on Max's won't stay closed. I keep pushing the sucker back in and it pops right back out. Each time Max says, "uh oh Mommy, look".

During all of this, Jenna who has absolutely no fear, is sitting on my lap. I have one arm around her, the other holding Max's swim thingy that is still on his arm and I'm attempting to blow in air, she is saying, "no mommy, no mommy" trying with all her might to pull my arm from around her body. During all of this, the lifeguard who looks like he's 12, blows his whistle for adult swim. I, this is no joke, look around to see if I can hand my children to anyone, anyone, so I can swim for 18 seconds alone.

And who did I see when I looked around? Three guys with lots of tattoos, chest tattoos, arm tattoos...by this time, I had to stop looking. But not before I saw their table full of beer cans. Oh and there was 1 girl with them. This did not make me feel better and I quickly decided that 18 seconds of adult swim is highly overrated.

Within 8 minutes of being in the pool, Max decided he needed to go potty. Out we go, shoes on, but I decide against putting shoes on Jenna, I will just hold her.

As Max is going and we are all silent, I realize that I also needed to go. Who knows how long I've needed too, I'm a mom and there's just not time for me to go to the bathroom.

While holding Jenna, I go. Don't ask me how and I doubt I'll ever be able to do it again, but I did and I was hovering.

Home Team:
Pool 1

Guest Team:
Lisa 1 (you better recognize)

I decide it's time for the baby pool. Thankfully, once there, both kids love it. Though I do have to persuade because Max is actually not a baby at all and Jenna thinks she's 15 and an Olympic champion swimmer, so she let's her displeasure be known all the while wiggling on my hip. "No mommy, poo, poo, no mommy". Poo = Pool.

I put a towel down on the side of the poo, oh sorry, pool, sit my booty down and catch my breath. We've been here 30 minutes.

I am determined we will stay for an hour. I've heard from Scott, he's on his way home, we still have our snack to consume. I think I am going to make it. I peer inside Jenna's diaper making sure all systems clear, and they are. Shew.

We consume our snacks, drink more juice, play in pool a bit more, drink in more chlorine water, cough, rub eyes, clear gooey boogers from upper lip, drink more juice, get in car, drive home. Then the fun really starts with baths. Though how cute to see those little naked bums running around while the tub fills up. Smile.

Oh pool, don't you laugh at me. My SPF 50 and me will be back next week for 1 hour and 10 minutes, that's right. I ain't skeered.

Home Team:
Pool 1

Guest Team:
Lisa 2