Feel It

Last night, basically when he walked in the door, I unloaded on my husband about some frustrating things I am experiencing in Motherhood.

After dinner and baths, he sat down and asked how I was doing and was there anything he could do for me.

I replied that this, Motherhood, is not going away.  It is my life.  Frustrations are not going away based on behavior of our 2 children, it will be something else.  And I have embraced my feelings.  I allow myself to feel frustrated.

In the past  I would have felt guilty about being frustrated, then the guilt would move me onto other faults popping into my head...it's a vicious cycle.

For whatever reasons, mothers or women in general, do not allow themselves to feel what they are feeling.  We think something is wrong so we start beating ourselves up.  All internally of course.  When we run into someone we always smile cheerfully and say how "fine" we are.

What a hoot if when we saw each other and when asked, "how are you?", we honestly say, "I'm feeling insecure today..."

Or, "I am not loving being a stay-at-home mom these days, I want to run for the hills..."

"I feel like my butt is the size of the side of a mountain and I want to go to DSW so I can feel better..."

"My husband and I have been at each other since Sunday..."

"I am feeling drained emotionally..."

I now just want to feel what I'm feeling and not think there is something wrong with me, or I need more therapy/counseling...ha ha.

Same with mothering.  I will be brutally honest here and say that when I hear someone say, "you will miss these days", I think "uh, no I won't."  (Did your teeth just fall out of your head?)

I have two older sisters, and a few friends with older children who have said to me, when they see my little ones in tow, that they do not miss these days.  But that they enjoy their tweens or teens, better.

Up until now, I would feel guilty for thinking how I will not miss these days.  Now, I have not been a mother to a tween or teen, so there's a great possibility I will eat my words.  But whatever, won't be the first time, or last.

I feel like I'm all over the place with this blog.  But bottom line, I typically feel worse when I do not allow myself to feel this "negative" (real) feeling.

But I am over that.  This morning I was chatting with a friend expressing to her something I was feeling.  She called me back later asking how I was doing.  I told her I was in the same place, but was okay with that.  I am going to feel, what I'm feeling.  Not think I should be in a different place, because I'm not.  Today, I am here.

Some of you may disagree with me, and think that in these situations we should do everything to get "happy" or over it.  Or feel better.  I respect that.

Now obviously, if at your kids 5th birthday party you realize that it's been a full year since you had joy in motherhood, well, then you might need to do some self examination!

But if you're just a normal chica who has days (or 4!) that stink, are frustrating, or at the breakfast table you are already saying to the Lord, "please help me not bite anyone's head off today", then join with me to, honestly, feel it.